All Around Me

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding onto what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Those are just part of the lyrics from one of the greatest songs out there right now, at least in my opinion, All Around Me by Flyleaf. I just wish they applied to me.

Many of you know my spiritual journey. Grew up in church. Knew God. Baptized as a child. Saved while in high school. Rebaptized. Continued to go to church. Spent many a night praising the Lord while in college. Servant in the youth group at my previous church when things fell apart.

I got caught up in something pretty bad, trusted people who ended up straying from the path and got burned. It hurt me badly. Really badly. And my walk hasn't been the same.

One of the things I was so looking forward to moving to New Braunfels was getting back in church. I've found a good church that Elizabeth and I have visited a couple of times when she's in town. There's a group of young married people that I'm hoping we'll get hooked with once we get settled here. It's been nice to be back in church worshipping the Lord.

But I'll be honest. It's very hard to find joy in our current situation. I know all of the right things to say. I know the church answers. It's not my timing. It's the Lord's. This time apart will bring us closer in the end. There's a reason for this to happen. God works everything for the good. He won't put more on us than we can handle. Sometimes it feels like those things are just lip service. Sometimes it's hard to actually believe them.

I'll admit, this weekend was tough. Elizabeth had an opportunity we were very hopeful about. But the money's not right. We just can't make it work. Who knows, it still may work out, but it's tough. And once again, we feel like we're starting over, trying from scratch to find a job, while waiting on someone, anyone, to want to buy our house. Each passing day that we're apart, that our family is separated, gets harder and harder.

It's during these times that I should draw closer to God. It's during these times that the Scripture should speak to me and give me strength and hope for a brighter day tomorrow. I'm not going to lie, though, it's been awhile since I've felt Him all around me, since I've felt "fully alive" to quote another Flyleaf song.

It felt great to be in worship Sunday night, singing praise to the Lord. Having Elizabeth by my side in the House of the Lord was amazing. Things felt right. Unfortunately, it didn't last. It was fleeting. She had to go home, with both of us searching and wondering when this separation is going to end.

Those of you who have been praying for us, I sincerely thank you and ask that you continue the good work. Sometimes, it's very trying to keep the faith. But it hasn't wavered. I know everything will work out in its own time. It doesn't mean it's not hard. At times, it's very hard. I'm so glad I have wonderful friends and family to help me during this time. I can't tell you how much you mean to me. Thank you.