I'm resolute

No, it's not New Year's yet. Nor is it even New Year's Eve. On the double eve of the arrival of 2010, though, I'm giving my resolutions for the new year (and new decade, though, technically one could argue the new decade doesn't begin until 2011). I've never been a big resolutions guy, though I've made some in the past, even if I haven't taken them all that seriously.

But this year I'm serious, because it deals with a serious subject -- my health. Ironically, it's a subject that I simply don't talk about. Ever. Never have.

"How is your health?" I'm asked.

"Fine. I'm doing good"

"Diabetes under control?"

"Uh huh."

"What are your blood sugars running?"

"Oh, about 14o or so."

Here's a secret. All lies.

Whoa, now, you're saying. This is supposed to be positive, uplifting, what you hope to get out of the new year. It's not a confessional.

But it is. My new year's resolution is twofold -- to begin taking my health, and my disease, a little more seriously, and also to open up about it.

Here's another confession: I hate diabetes. Despise it. Always have. But not for the normal reasons you would think of. Not because it's taken sugar away from me, or that it is supposed to take sugar away from me. Not because it makes me eat really nasty tasting desserts. Or that I have to take shots, or count carbs. No, that's not why I hate diabetes. I hate this disease because it makes me different.

But diabetes is the fastest-growing disease in the country. Everybody and their momma has diabetes these days, or at least it seems that way. True. But it's different. Type 2 diabetes is the growing disease, and it can be more easily controlled through diet and exercise. I have Type 1 diabetes, and my pancreas has essentially quit on its job of producing insulin so my body can break down sugar into useable energy. Quitter! I am on life support, and I depend on two types of man-made insulin to keep me alive every day. And yes, I resent it. Does that sound a little immature? You bet it does. But it's true, and since I'm being truthful, I said it. I resent you, diabetes!

Always have, enemy of mine. I can remember getting the news as an eighth-grader, and I cried. Not because I knew what the disease meant, even though I did because I grew up around it (my mom has had it since she was a teenager). I cried because I was now different. I was rushed to the hospital and stayed there a few days while I went through education about diabetes and learned how to give myself a shot, which I've done every day since.

In high school, I hated being different. Yeah, it was funny when I got to eat snacks in class while others didn't. But secretly, I hated being singled out amongst my classmates. Again, diabetes made me different, and I hated it.

For the most part, though, I was able to take care of myself pretty well in high school, and in college, I finally rebelled against the disease. I ended up in the hospital on three different occasions because I simply stopped taking care of myself. Since then, I've done a decent job of faking it. Elizabeth stays on me, reminding me to take my shot, asking me about my blood sugar levels, and I did a decent job for a little while of working to decrease my a1c, which essentially is the 4-month average of your blood sugar levels. Over the last year, though, I've been awful. Awful.

Now is the time to change that. I'm tired of feeling badly because I simply haven't been taken care of myself. I'm tired of constantly being thirsty, and running to and from the bathroom, because my blood sugar is far too high. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of allowing my resentment of my disease to control my life. I want to take control.

I don't feel that I'm in poor health. I'm 27 years old, in relatively good shape (although, I certainly could be in better shape), and hopefully have many years ahead of me. But I can do a lot better. So my resolution is to truly dedicate myself over the next year to fixing my all-around health. I want to lose weight. Right now, I'm about 185 pounds. I'd like to be down to 170, and although that sounds awfully light in my head, I know I would be in better health if I could drop about 15 pounds. I want to get in a regular exercise routine, take advantage of the weight machine at my house that I've let sit dormant for far too long, utilize Elizabeth's Wii Fit game to work on my balance and flexibility, and couple that with all of the running I'm doing while officiating to truly get in good shape.

And beyond that, I want to open myself up to my friends and family. I don't like prying, and I don't like my life pried into. But in a way, on this issue, I need it. I want you to ask me about my health, and then don't let me shrug off your inquiries. I need accountability. It is far too easy to sluff off when it comes to this issue, to allow my hatred and resentment to again take control, and I don't want that to happen. So ask about my health. Ask about my blood sugar. Ask about what I'm eating. And then make me answer.

It's time for me to take control. And I need your help. It's the only way to secure a fruitful 2010 -- and many, many more years to come.