For those of you who might have tried to reach me today, or for those I might have had some contact with today, I apologize that I've been short and moody. Today wasn't exactly what I'd consider a good day, and it's probably going to take a little time for me to get over it.
Was told today that, pretty much, the Shreveport deal is a no-go. For details I can't really go into on the business side of things, The Times can't hire me, or anybody, to fill their position. And nobody really knows when they'll be able to.
The whole situation frustrates me, as I'm sure some of you know. It's been about a month since I applied for that job. And it's just drug on and on and on. It really frustrated me that this couldn't have been taken care of sooner, and now it appears like it won't be taken care of.
It really disappoints me that I can't get my wife back to north Louisiana so she can work with her brother. I think it would have been a great opportunity for both of them, and it really saddens me that I couldn't make it happen.
But now I just move on. I'm here in Cenla for however long, and I'll make the best of it. I really wasn't looking to leave, but I did get my heart set of going to Shreveport and getting back to north Louisiana. I'm disappointed. But it's not the end of the world. I have a good job here and a good life. Although I am depressed right now.
There are some other things going on in my life, too, that are of some concern to me. It's nothing I'm ready to go into detail here on the blog, but a big announcement was made at church this Sunday that sort of frightens me and concerns me. The direction of the church, and what I'm looking for from my church, aren't lining up. I have some major praying, thinking and decisions to make. I love my kids. They are a lot of fun. But I haven't had the time that I want to put into it. And now with this announcement, I feel further away than I have since I walked in the door. I don't know if I can give the church what it needs, or if the church can give me what I need. This partly adds to my depression today.
I hope for the best, and I surely don't want to lose my kids. But I've been drained lately, and I haven't felt like I can give what I need to give. And if I can't give what I feel like I should give, I don't feel like I should be a part of it. That's my nature. I don't want to drag anyone down, and I feel like I've been doing. Again, I have a lot to pray about. Please add me to your lists.
1 comment:
When I was younger, one of the things that frustrated me after venting to my mom was having to listen to her try to help me "fix" the situation. I now understand a little bit how she feels. We moms just don't like to see our kids hurt.
Instead of getting all preachy on you, I'll share a technique that works pretty well, if you can just get past the simplicity of it:
Find out what it feels like and what happens if you just let go of that feeling. JUST DROP IT and see what happens. (From Eckhart Tolle's book, "The New Earth.")
I've practiced this..."Oops, there it is. There's that feeling. I'm going to drop it right now."
That doesn't mean it doesn't come back, but overall, I'm more relaxed, more peaceful.
Do you remember Wayne's speech about fear? He concluded that some situations are just chemical surges in your brain. That one thought has helped me over and over.
Finally, I'm sorry you're hurting. We'll continue to declare your steps are ordered by a faithful God, who plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
(Psalm 37:22-24 and Jeremiah 29:1)
We're lovin' you!
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