I'm resolute

No, it's not New Year's yet. Nor is it even New Year's Eve. On the double eve of the arrival of 2010, though, I'm giving my resolutions for the new year (and new decade, though, technically one could argue the new decade doesn't begin until 2011). I've never been a big resolutions guy, though I've made some in the past, even if I haven't taken them all that seriously.

But this year I'm serious, because it deals with a serious subject -- my health. Ironically, it's a subject that I simply don't talk about. Ever. Never have.

"How is your health?" I'm asked.

"Fine. I'm doing good"

"Diabetes under control?"

"Uh huh."

"What are your blood sugars running?"

"Oh, about 14o or so."

Here's a secret. All lies.

Whoa, now, you're saying. This is supposed to be positive, uplifting, what you hope to get out of the new year. It's not a confessional.

But it is. My new year's resolution is twofold -- to begin taking my health, and my disease, a little more seriously, and also to open up about it.

Here's another confession: I hate diabetes. Despise it. Always have. But not for the normal reasons you would think of. Not because it's taken sugar away from me, or that it is supposed to take sugar away from me. Not because it makes me eat really nasty tasting desserts. Or that I have to take shots, or count carbs. No, that's not why I hate diabetes. I hate this disease because it makes me different.

But diabetes is the fastest-growing disease in the country. Everybody and their momma has diabetes these days, or at least it seems that way. True. But it's different. Type 2 diabetes is the growing disease, and it can be more easily controlled through diet and exercise. I have Type 1 diabetes, and my pancreas has essentially quit on its job of producing insulin so my body can break down sugar into useable energy. Quitter! I am on life support, and I depend on two types of man-made insulin to keep me alive every day. And yes, I resent it. Does that sound a little immature? You bet it does. But it's true, and since I'm being truthful, I said it. I resent you, diabetes!

Always have, enemy of mine. I can remember getting the news as an eighth-grader, and I cried. Not because I knew what the disease meant, even though I did because I grew up around it (my mom has had it since she was a teenager). I cried because I was now different. I was rushed to the hospital and stayed there a few days while I went through education about diabetes and learned how to give myself a shot, which I've done every day since.

In high school, I hated being different. Yeah, it was funny when I got to eat snacks in class while others didn't. But secretly, I hated being singled out amongst my classmates. Again, diabetes made me different, and I hated it.

For the most part, though, I was able to take care of myself pretty well in high school, and in college, I finally rebelled against the disease. I ended up in the hospital on three different occasions because I simply stopped taking care of myself. Since then, I've done a decent job of faking it. Elizabeth stays on me, reminding me to take my shot, asking me about my blood sugar levels, and I did a decent job for a little while of working to decrease my a1c, which essentially is the 4-month average of your blood sugar levels. Over the last year, though, I've been awful. Awful.

Now is the time to change that. I'm tired of feeling badly because I simply haven't been taken care of myself. I'm tired of constantly being thirsty, and running to and from the bathroom, because my blood sugar is far too high. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of allowing my resentment of my disease to control my life. I want to take control.

I don't feel that I'm in poor health. I'm 27 years old, in relatively good shape (although, I certainly could be in better shape), and hopefully have many years ahead of me. But I can do a lot better. So my resolution is to truly dedicate myself over the next year to fixing my all-around health. I want to lose weight. Right now, I'm about 185 pounds. I'd like to be down to 170, and although that sounds awfully light in my head, I know I would be in better health if I could drop about 15 pounds. I want to get in a regular exercise routine, take advantage of the weight machine at my house that I've let sit dormant for far too long, utilize Elizabeth's Wii Fit game to work on my balance and flexibility, and couple that with all of the running I'm doing while officiating to truly get in good shape.

And beyond that, I want to open myself up to my friends and family. I don't like prying, and I don't like my life pried into. But in a way, on this issue, I need it. I want you to ask me about my health, and then don't let me shrug off your inquiries. I need accountability. It is far too easy to sluff off when it comes to this issue, to allow my hatred and resentment to again take control, and I don't want that to happen. So ask about my health. Ask about my blood sugar. Ask about what I'm eating. And then make me answer.

It's time for me to take control. And I need your help. It's the only way to secure a fruitful 2010 -- and many, many more years to come.

When my head is jumbled, this is what you get

I took a sick day today. That never happens. Ever. Except today. And tomorrow. And maybe the rest of the week is this cold doesn't leave me alone. Seriously, I don't stay home unless I'm basically on my death bed, but a cold has me staying home? No fever. Just an awful, awful cough, which has let to a deep penetrating headache, a couple of sneezes every hour and lots and lots of mucus-filled tissue. I spent the majority of the day in bed with Sandy beast, alternating between fits of sleep and fits of wet, sloppy attacks on my face. If I don't get to feeling better tomorrow, I'm going to have to go see a doctor and get some medicine. This generic Musinex just isn't cutting it.

One of Elizabeth's Christmas gifts was a game called Wii Fit, which is basically an exercise video in a game. It comes with a "balance board" that you stand on to work on strength exercises, yoga, balance and aerobics. It allows you to set targets to lose weight over a certain period of time and counts your calories, etc. It's pretty cool, designed to make working out fun. And it's a workout, let me tell you. Running, biking, yoga stretches that my body wasn't designed to do, ab crunches, and my least favorite game, the hula hoop. No, seriously, I suck at the hula hoop. It works, though. The first night, I worked out for 30 minutes and actually felt it. I've taken the past two nights off because I just don't feel well. Elizabeth is working out now, riding her bike, trying to drop some pounds and get into better shape.

Had a nice trip to North Louisiana this past weekend. Visited with my dad, stepmom and grandparents in West Monroe, before going over to Ruston for lunch with an old college buddy who was in town from Auburn. Also visited with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and had supper with them. Always fun to visit with friends and family, even if the reason we normally visit Ruston weren't in town, as they were in New Orleans at the Saints game.

Speaking of the Saints, I'm disgusted. The 13-0 start was amazing, but the team has lost its identity over the past two weeks, and it's at the absolute worst time. This is when teams are supposed to be playing their best football, entering the playoff drive. Instead, it seems as if the Saints peaked several weeks ago and are limping into the postseason. These days, you've got to be careful to say an ill will about the Saints, lest people will accuse you of jumping off the bandwagon. That's bull, though. I call it like I see it, and what I've seen from this team recentlyj is not good. If Payton and Brees don't rediscover this team's offensive identiy, there will be no Super Bowl in the future for this team. And the fans deserve better than that.

Three of my nephews are in town at their grandparents, and the rest of Elizabeth's family is scheduled to join them on Thursday for New Year's. It's an annual tradition in the Granger household to have Christmas on New Year's Eve, build a fire, roast some weiners and 'mallows, and pop some firecrackers. Generally, it's tons of fun. We might even have some friends coming down to join us this year. However, I only hope that I'm healthy by then and up for the fun. We've also got a Christmas gathering on Saturday in West Monroe. This sickness needs to leave me alone!