I've found some emotion. And, yes, that's very relieving!
Lately, I'm kind of just been in a "blah" mood. Not really getting excited about anything, and not really getting too down on anything. Just haven't really had much emotion to speak of.
Growing up, I was a very emotional kid. Don't know if it was because I was the product of a divorced home, or what the deal was, but I would get both very angry (bad, bad temper here as a teenager) and I could also cry at the drop of the hat. Lately, that hasn't been the case.
But something changed. Perhaps it's because I talked to my mother for the first time in a while the other night. It was the first time I've cried in quite some time, which I honestly needed. It was great to hear from her. Did it patch everything up? No. I can hear it her voice, and I'm sure she can hear it in mine. But it was a step in the right direction, and after several months of not really knowing what to do, I now feel like I know what my next step is. To call and talk again soon. Hopefully, that will help us continue to patch things up.
Anyway, after talking to mama and crying, I've cried twice today just listening to songs. Yes, I'm a wuss. I love music, though I have no talent whatsoever (just ask Elizabeth, she'll brag on me ... hehe). And in the past, music has really moved me. Lately, not so much. That changed today.
The two songs that have really moved me are Beyonce's If I Were a Boy and Taylor Swift's Love Story. Beyonce's song moved me because, honestly, I believe Elizabeth feels like that about me sometimes. I can get so insulated into myself and what I'm doing that I become a very selfish person, not on purpose or out of spite, but because that's just how I am sometimes.
Then Taylor Swift's song just took me back to my "dating" days when I was pursuing Elizabeth. At heart, I'm a very romantic person. But you can ask Elizabeth and Kyle, I don't do a very good job of acting upon those things. I'm just not good at it. I want to be, but I suck. I've always envied Kyle because it came so naturally to him, but it doesn't to me. I want to be that sweet, cute guy who does the sweet, cute things for the one he loves. But, again, I can be a very selfish person even when I don't realize it. If you haven't heard Taylor's new song, check it out. She's a rising star, and this song is headed to No. 1!
1 comment:
I love both of those songs, fellow milk hater. I can cry from hearing a song on the radio most any day (Alan doesn't understand)!Enjoyed reading this post - rare transparency of the mind of Bret.
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